Yay or Nay from Colleges? Stay Calm and Cool

As acceptance or rejection letters roll in, perspective is the name of the game

by Daniel Riseman

It is one of the most stressful times in an adolescent’s life: the start of college admissions decisions. There’s the dreaded “we regret to inform you” versus the euphoric “I am delighted to inform you.” While the letters are black-and-white — the emotional toll is unpredictable.

College applications and admissions should be a discreet process. Just the student, parents, and high school guidance counselor should know the schools to which the student applied. There is no need to share that information with anyone else; it just escalates anxiety and potential humiliation.

Last year, a Westchester County, New York, student told his classmates that he had applied to the University of Pennsylvania — and when he did not get in, he skipped nearly a week of school. Public rejection can be crippling for kids. Likewise, when a student receives an acceptance letter, there is no need to post it all over social media. With so many classmates uncertain as to where they are going, especially at this early stage of the game for high school seniors — bragging is unnecessary.

Such insensitivity stirs up resentment throughout the community, and there is no need to initiate ill will. Recently, after a Westchester County student, a mediocre legacy applicant, posted her acceptance to an Ivy League School on Facebook, her car was egged by classmates who had been rejected.

Discretion goes for the parents as well. Many parents are too involved in the college application process overall. As one New York college admissions dean said, “Parents call the admissions office to check on the status more than the student applicants do.”

The admissions representatives know that many of these parents wrote the college essays for their child. Therefore, it comes as no surprise when these moms and dads take the rejection more personally than their child. As detailed by a Westchester County high school guidance counselor: “Parents perceive their children’s successes and failures as direct reflections of their parenting skills, to the point that a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ from a college validates how successfully they raised their child.” Such parenting is deeply unhealthy and stagnates the child’s emotional development — yet it has become more prevalent in recent years.

When the acceptance letter arrives, the student should celebrate in a tasteful manner. Phone calls and texts should go out to family members, and a celebratory dinner at the student’s favorite restaurant is a wonderful way to rejoice with family. Ordering an official college sweatshirt from the school is the norm — but students who applied early decision (ED) should wait until that early decision period is officially over before wearing that item to school.

There is no need to rub it in classmates’ faces. If word gets out and a student receive congratulatory texts from friends, a simple “thank you” will suffice. There’s no need to overindulge in joy while friends remain in a state of uncertainty.

However, if students don’t get in, they shouldn’t take it personally. Easier said than done — but it is critical to keep the rejection in perspective.

The fact that “legacy” students (those whose relatives attended the school) and recruited athletes take up a significant proportion of ED acceptances is well-known. Even though the student may have been a very strong candidate, a similar applicant with legacy status usually gets the spot. The rejected student needs to come to terms with the disappointment and move on. While many parents tell their children that the college is losing out by not accepting them — such blame is unproductive. Rather, after allowing the child some time to let the news sink in, parents need to help him or her focus on the steps to get into one of his other top schools. As one Westchester County student said, “Being rejected doesn’t mean my dreams are over.”

It is common for the rejected student to terrorize himself with “what ifs” — but this is never a good idea. Parents need to remind their child that he submitted the best application possible in the time available — and students need to remind themselves that they worked as hard as they could. There is no going back — so focus on moving forward.

For students determined to attend a school that rejected them, a gap year has become the trend. Rather than go to a school that does not excite them, these students engage in year-long internships or research, or contribute to articles that enhance the scientific community. They travel or do charitable work. Such activities differentiates them from the pack when it comes to applying to their top school again. While there are no guarantees this will lead to an acceptance the following year — gap years have been successful for some students.

Those who are deferred may not know how to react. As one New York college counselor said, “A deferral means you’re still in the game.”

Deferred students should not give up. They should call the admissions office to ensure they’re placed on the waitlist, and they should keep up their grades because the college will take another look at them in the spring. It’s best to remain in touch with the admissions office to update them on major accomplishments. Many schools will also request a letter of continued interest. In the meantime, these students should make sure they’ve covered all bases by applying to other schools in case things do not work out in the spring.

Parents need to remind their high school senior — and themselves — that rejection builds character. No one gets everything he wants in life. And rather than allow self-pity to take over, remember: Success is the ultimate revenge to any rejection.

Daniel Riseman, founder of Riseman Educational Consulting in Irvington, New York, has been counseling students and working with families for 16 years.

When College Athletes Sign on the Dotted Line

The complex realities of recruiting for our kids

by Daniel Riseman

It’s the golden ticket — an athletic scholarship from a Division I college. Students and parents dream of that moment, but less than 2 percent of all high school athletes receive such offers, as detailed by the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA).

Competing as an Ivy League athlete is the Holy Grail. These Division I student-athletes receive extraordinary opportunities both in the classroom and on the field.

Even though the Ivy League does not award athletic scholarships, this does not mean it cannot provide financial aid to its athletes. Due to impressive endowments, ranging from Brown’s $3 billion to Harvard’s $36.4 billion, Ivy League schools’ financial aid packages tend to be the most generous of any conference in the nation, according to The New York Times.

Beyond competing on varsity teams, high school athletes have to participate on travel teams if they wish to have any chance to play at the collegiate level. In addition to weekday practices, on weekends team members frequently travel hundreds of miles to compete in tournaments. The costs are significant — travel expenses alone can add up to thousands of dollars per season.

This past summer, Zoe Maxwell, a high school junior in Westchester County, New York, reached her dream. She made a verbal commitment to play for Brown University. While she will be part of the 1.4 percent to have the opportunity to play Division I soccer, according to the NCAA — her journey was not simple.

Recruiting is a complicated courting dance filled with complex rules. To start with, the NCAA forbids college coaches from directly contacting high school athletes until their junior year. But just because coaches cannot contact underclassmen, it does not mean that these athletes cannot contact college coaches.

Early scouting has become more prevalent in women’s sports compared to men’s because girls mature earlier than boys. As a result, Maxwell had to be proactive as a freshman, emailing coaches at colleges that she was most interested in and informing them of her tournament schedule. On several occasions, she did not receive a response from a coach and had to hope that he or she would be there to watch her compete.

College coaches who watched her play were not allowed to talk with her. The NCAA rules state that “contact occurs any time a college coach says more than hello to a prospect.” Therefore, “communication with college coaches went directly through my travel coach,” said Maxwell. After being notified by her coach of interested college coaches, if Maxwell was also interested in that specific school, she would email or call the coach.

Her travel coach’s role was critical, explaining any NCAA rule that confused her. Even if she unknowingly broke a rule, she could jeopardize her eligibility. By clarifying the process, her coach helped her develop greater trust in the recruiting process and realize that college coaches were adhering strictly to the rules.

As sophomore year started, Maxwell began going on unofficial visits to colleges in which each coach did his or her best to win her over. During her visit to Brown, she met with the head coach and several players; she also discussed her academic credentials with an admissions officer. She felt a strong connection to the university, and soon thereafter, she verbally committed to play soccer at Brown.

While NCAA rules do not restrict the number of unofficial visits, a prospect is required to pay for all travel expenses for such visits. In contrast, Division I schools pick up the tab for a prospect’s travel and meals during official visits, but NCAA rules limit the number of official visits to five. And these visits cannot take place until the start of the athlete’s senior year.

Even after a great campus visit with Brown University’s head soccer coach, Maxwell understands the harsh reality: verbal commitments are non-binding. If a prospect is injured following a verbal commitment, that offer may be taken away. But she remains undeterred: “I still play the game the same way; however, I stretch more and complete certain exercises to prevent injuries.”

When injuries strike, they can be game-changers. For one Westchester County football recruit, days after he tore his ACL following his verbal commitment, the college coach called to notify him that the offer had been rescinded. “I knew it was just a verbal commitment, so when the coach cut ties with me, I wasn’t too surprised.” While there are some horror stories, the majority of college coaches and athletes honor their commitments.

After making a verbal commitment, the student-athlete’s name is placed on a commitment list at topdrawersoccer.com. “Coaches are aware of my commitment and no longer attempt to contact me,” said Maxwell.

At the start of her senior year, she will sign a National Letter of Intent (NLI), signifying the end of her recruiting process. Once she signs that document, she will be officially bound to Brown University: “When you sign an NLI, you agree to attend the institution listed on the NLI for one academic year in exchange for that institution awarding athletics financial aid for one academic year,” according to the NCAA. But signing an NLI does not guarantee an athlete a spot on the team; Maxwell knows she must continually improve her game.

The young woman’s advice for those who want to play college sports? “Work hard to improve and be successful academically and athletically … stay organized and patient because the recruitment process can be very stressful.”

Daniel Riseman, founder of Riseman Educational Consulting in Irvington, New York, has been counseling students and working with families for 16 years.

Financial Aid: The Definitive Guide for Parents

An expert shares seasoned insight to help families navigate the process — and cut costs

by Daniel Riseman

For most parents, financial aid is like a secret code filled with foreign acronyms such as FWS, BBAY, and SAR. Many approach the process completely unprepared; they believe it is an unwinnable battle.

Parents typically resign themselves to the fact that they will have to cover the second-largest expense in their lives completely on their own. Those who have been through the process like to warn others about the “broken” system.

But in our transparent virtual world, is financial aid that difficult to decrypt?

To get some insight on the process, LifeZette spoke with Bart Astor, author of the recent book, “Graduate from College Debt-Free.”

Question: Many parents believe it does not make sense to save for college because it will only hurt their child’s chances of getting financial aid. What is your take?

Answer: The opposite is true. It makes total sense to save for your child’s college expenses for several reasons. One, the formula for determining eligibility for need-based aid assesses only a maximum of 5.6 percent of parental assets. Two, rarely do students receive their full need, so the parental contribution from assets can help meet that gap. Three, having sufficient funds will mean you and your child may not have to borrow for his or her education, or not have to borrow as much. And four, by having more saved, you’re enabling your child to choose the right college without cost being the determining factor.

Isn’t that the kind of opportunity we want to provide for our children? Keep in mind, too, that there are appropriate vehicles for saving that offer tax benefits. But overall, students and families are better off when they’ve saved.

Q: Let’s talk about the different components of financial aid, as there are several.

A: There are three ways you can get money: It can be a gift, you can earn it, or you can borrow it. There are financial programs from various sources in each of these categories. And qualifying for these programs can either be based on need, on merit, a combination of need and merit, or with no academic or income restrictions. The federal and state governments and institutions themselves provide both need-based and non-need-based aid in all three categories.

Q: How can parents reduce their reportable assets and increase aid eligibility?

A: Although the percentage of assets used to determine eligibility for financial aid is limited — the maximum is 5.6 percent of parents’ assets — there are a few things families can do to maximize eligibility. First, be sure to have as few assets as possible in the student’s name. Those assets are assessed at much higher rates than parental assets.

Also, retirement account assets are not included in the formula, so parents should be sure to fully fund their retirement accounts rather than hold money out. Home equity is not counted in the federal methodology, but home equity is counted in the institutional methodology that many colleges use to award their own aid. Other assets not included are small business equity, family farm equity, life insurance cash value, and personal possessions such as cars, computer equipment, and artwork.

Q: How can students prove they’re financially autonomous and not be evaluated based on their parents’ income?

A: Unless a student is one of these — 24 years old, married, a parent, or a veteran — he or she is considered dependent on his/her parents for financial aid eligibility. There are exceptions in cases where there is documentation of a negative home situation. The reason for this is that paying for college is primarily the responsibility of the student and the student’s family — not taxpayers. Taxpayers help out where a student’s family doesn’t have the resources to pay for college.

But taxpayers should not be the ones bearing the responsibility just because parents don’t want to pay. Taxpayers already subsidize the cost of public colleges. Refusing to pay for your child’s education does not relieve the family of the responsibility.

Q: Are home-schooled students eligible for financial aid? If so, are there any restrictions?

A: For the most part, being home-schooled has nothing to do with eligibility for financial aid. Home-schooling mostly affects admission decisions. However, many colleges award some aid based on grades and other merit criteria. Without grades, colleges will have a more difficult time determining whether the home-schooled student is more or less worthy than other admitted students. Typically, colleges will rely on standardized test scores and personal and professional recommendations.

Q: What are the most common mistakes students and parents make on financial aid applications?

A: The biggest mistake families make is not applying! Many people assume they will not be eligible, so they don’t bother to apply. That’s so often wrong, and families should not pre-eliminate themselves. Remember, there are programs not based on need, and students need to fill out the standard financial aid application for those programs, too. The second mistake is thinking that the process is too complex and the application too difficult. That’s just plain wrong.

For most students, the application takes a half-hour to an hour to complete. And the online application, which most students use, is a smart app, so the student answers only those questions relevant to him or her. The more complex the family, the more questions. The third mistake is applying late. Although some programs have no deadline (e.g., Pell Grants), grant aid from the institution itself or through government programs generally does have a deadline. As for the application itself, most students apply online, so most of the mistakes are caught right away through smart logic, before the application is even submitted. Many students don’t have to fill in the income information because there is an IRS match. Sometimes, however, the IRS can’t match the demographic information provided and that causes delays.

Q: If a student does not apply for financial aid this year, how will that affect his or her eligibility for aid in subsequent years?

A: Students have to apply for aid every year, regardless of whether they applied previously. Because so many students opt out of applying in the first year, often mistakenly assuming it will affect their admission decision, it’s common for second-year students to be applying for the first time. Continuing students may have a different deadline than first-year students. Be sure to check with the financial aid office at the college. Related: The Truth About Freshman Year of College There are also many families who saved enough for one year but then need help. Financial aid offices will want to know why the continuing student is applying for the first time, but it’s common enough and for many good reasons.

Q: How does a student appeal for more financial aid if the package is insufficient or circumstances change?

A: This really is two questions. The first one deals with when a family’s financial situation changes. That’s an easy one to answer: The student writes or visits the financial aid office and explains the changes. It’s quite common, actually, for families to undergo big changes: loss of job, unexpected medical expenses, a second child in college, etc. Colleges want to work directly with students who undergo financial difficulties. After all, once the student is enrolled, they don’t want to lose him or her. They made a big commitment, and it’s not very easy to replace a student in subsequent years.

The other question is about working with the financial aid office when the package is insufficient. There are some colleges that do negotiate, but most frown upon it. And there are appropriate ways to negotiate. Some colleges do say they’ll match another college’s offer. But that trend is diminishing as enrollments have gone up. Here, too, the best approach is to work directly with the financial aid office and explain, respectfully, that the offer is just not enough. Playing hardball rarely gets you very far. And there are some things that the financial aid office can do to help if the funds provided are not enough, including offering more loans or Federal Work Study.

Q: What are the different types of loans? What is the difference between a subsidized loan and an unsubsidized loan?

A: If students have demonstrated need through the financial aid application (FAFSA), they are eligible for a federally subsidized loan, which means that interest does not accrue until the student leaves school. That means that the balance on a $4,000 loan in the freshman year is still $4,000 in the senior year.

There are loan limits on these subsidized loans, and the college awards the loan — not the government or any lender. If students do not qualify for need-based loans, they are still eligible for unsubsidized loans on which interest does accrue right away. So that $4,000 loan balance will grow to about $4,600 by the end of senior year. There are also some state governments that lend to students. And there are many private lenders that offer student loans. Overall, the terms of federal loans are the most favorable for borrowers because of low interest rates, the ability to defer payments, a multitude of repayment plans, and even some loan forgiveness plans. Private lenders cannot offer these benefits.

Q: What are some of the best sites for students to locate scholarships?

A: In general, scholarship search companies use the same database. There are some differences, and some search engines are better than others. No one should ever pay for a scholarship search service, since there are several that are free. Here are a few of the free scholarship search websites: FastWeb, BigFuture, Scholarships, and StudentScholarshipSearch. Personally, I’m keen on the College Board site because of the other services that the College Board site provides.

Q: What other general college advice — life wisdom here, in essence — would you share with students and parents?

A: Going to college is not just about learning a skill or qualifying for a job. It’s about getting an education and learning critical thinking. That ability, in turn, opens up a world of opportunity for people. We all know the statistics: College graduates do earn, on average, considerably more in their lifetimes than non-college grads. But more importantly, the quality of their lives and their participation in the world community is improved.

College grads are less likely to go on unemployment or rely on income-supported government programs. They vote more, volunteer more, and, most important to me, the children of college-educated parents are more likely to go to college themselves, thus extending the opportunities to future generations.

That said, and being cognizant of the limited resources available to many people, I have no problem with families extending themselves somewhat with loans. The key is to find the appropriate amount that takes into account the student’s ability to repay and doesn’t jeopardize the parents’ retirement. There are no loans for retirement, so parents should not raid those accounts to help their children with college expenses. And students should be aware of how their student loans will affect future choices, whether that’s about the kind of job they choose or whether they will be able to afford a car of a house later on.

But since student debt is such a hot topic, the choice of a loan repayment plan can greatly improve the quality of life of any student loan borrower. There are income-based repayment plans that make it possible for most borrowers to pay off their loans without compromising their quality of life too much. But the key, in my mind, is for borrowers to think carefully before they borrow and to know their options.

Daniel Riseman, founder of Riseman Educational Consulting in Irvington, New York, has been counseling students and working with families for 16 years.

How to Ace the College Essay

These 20 tips for students have every angle covered

by Daniel Riseman

It’s ironic. Teenagers spend hours looking at themselves in the mirror — yet when it comes to writing about themselves in their essay for their college applications, they become queasy.

Writing about oneself is difficult and often leaves students with feelings of inadequacy. The question that most students ask is what they should write about.

Admission officers are reading hundreds of essays a day. Allow yourself to shine.

They need to know that writing college essays is not meant to be a painful process. The most powerful essays are written in less than an hour. Multiple rounds of edits may follow — but the core content is created within that hour. This is because college essays are works of passion.

The purpose of the essay is for colleges to get a sense of the student through “a slice of life.” Admission officers want to see an aspect of the applicant that is not apparent on his or her record or resume. Many students focus in on one aspect of their life or personality and pick a vehicle through which to tell their story. Colleges want to know about the student — not what he or she has done or where he’s gone. This is what colleges mean by “show and don’t tell.” Topics are limitless.

In addition to the 650-word main essay, many colleges have supplemental essays. It is critical that students do not blow off these supplements. Admission officers are looking for how students may fit into their college. Generic statements are insufficient; you must find specific aspects that truly attract you to that school.

With all of this in mind, here are insights into the essay-writing process, created after many years of guiding and mentoring students in the process.


  1. Brainstorm. Students should sit around the table and brainstorm ideas with their parents. While parents should never commandeer the essay, they know the student better than anyone else. Themes are likely to come out of such informal meetings.
  2. Use a stream of consciousness. Once they have an idea, students should write freely. Do not worry about transitions or grammar. Let the writing flow.
  3. Capture the moment. Great essays capture a moment in time. Try to avoid telling a lengthy story. Rather, focus on the moment in a creative manner.
  4. Sleep on it. Procrastinating on an essay can be devastating. Great essays are written early on and then thought about for days on end. Minor yet critical edits come through with extensive proofreading. Writing an essay at the deadline is setting yourself up for failure. This is your essay. You have the final say. Do not relinquish your authorship to someone else.
  5. Be limitless. Allow yourself to break free from conventions. Admission officers are reading hundreds of essays a day — allow yourself to shine.
  6. Grab the reader’s attention. The introductory paragraph is everything. You need to lock in your reader’s attention. Due to the mass quantity of essays read, you need to hold onto your reader.
  7. Be honest. No need to exaggerate your life experiences. There’s no reason to risk getting caught in a lie. Eighteen-year-olds are not expected to have run Fortune 500 companies. Working at a pool or the local deli will more than suffice. One of the best essays I ever read discussed a young man’s summer experience working at a gas station.
  8. Use your own voice. The essay must sound organic. Having a parent or private college counselor write it could hurt your chances.
  9. Let it go. Allow yourself to take risks. A good essay comes from opening yourself up.
  10. Embrace yourself. Your uniqueness is wonderful. Be proud to be you.


  1. Don’t give up the reins. This is your essay. You have the final say. Do not relinquish your authorship to someone else.
  2. Don’t be grandiloquent. Overusing a thesaurus can backfire. Admission officers will not be impressed with lofty prose.
  3. Don’t write about others. This is your essay. You must be the leading man or woman. Focusing too much on others will sabotage your work.
  4. Don’t make it too complicated. Some of the best essays are incredibly simple.
  5. Don’t shy away from tough topics. If you feel strongly about something, write about it. I have had several students write strong essays about divorce and death. Nothing is cliché if it has real meaning to you.
  6. Don’t have too many cooks. Too many editors can destroy your essay — they will pull you in too many directions. You must pick two or three people to edit your piece. I recommend your favorite English teacher and guidance counselor.
  7. Don’t recycle. Many younger siblings want to reuse their older siblings’ essays. This can be disastrous. Admission officers represent specific geographic districts. If they read something that sounds oddly familiar, your integrity can be destroyed, along with your chances of admission.
  8. Don’t quote. Quoting famous authors, scientists, and politicians is unnecessary. It takes up valuable real estate that should be used for your own voice.
  9. Don’t use informal language. College essays should not contain contractions. The only caveat is if you incorporate dialogue — then contractions are OK.
  10. Don’t suffocate. Remember that writing college essays is supposed to be a fun and creative process — truly. The only restriction is word count.

Daniel Riseman, founder of Riseman Educational Consulting in Irvington, New York, has been counseling students and working with families for 16 years.

A Great Resource for ASD Families

For those of you with children on the Autism Spectrum, it’s always great to meet someone else dealing with these issues. Melissa Morgenlander is not only a PhD in Cognitive Studies, she’s also the mother a pre-school-age twins, one of whom is on the spectrum. Her blog, IQJournals.com, is a great resource for ideas on iPad Apps, handling vacation time and more.


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